Shattered
by fixldofdaisies
Summary: Clary was a broken girl. She was abused by her father, and bullied by her classmates. She hated her life. She may smile alot, but underneath those smiles, she's shattered. (Rated M for self harm, language, and abuse)
1. Chapter 1

**Clarissa "Clary" Fray may look like a happy teenager, but behind all the smiles, clothes and makeup, she's depressed, bruised, scarred and scared. In middle school she got bullied. When she told her father, Valentine, he told her to suck it up and called her weak. And that's when the abuse started.**

Clary was awaken by the sound of her alarm clock. It was another day, which meant, school, bullies, and her abusive father. She hated herself. She wanted to die. She got out of bed and went to her bathroom. Before she went into her shower, she looked into the mirror. She saw a small, thin girl with red hair covered with bruises, cuts and wounds.

Once she got out of the shower she put on some clothes. She wore a oversized grey sweater, jeans and white converse. It was only September so it was still hot but Clary didn't care. She needed to cover up her scars, while all the other girls only wore shorts and a crop top. She put on foundation on the visible injuries she had, then went downstairs.

"CLARY WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG! YOU BETTER MAKE ME A GOOD BREAKFAST TODAY." Valentine, her father yelled.

"Sorry father, my alarm went off late" Clary lied. She was terrified of her father.

"Sorry means nothing." Valentine said as he slapped Clary across the face.

Clary gasped. She quickly went into the kitchen and started to make her dad breakfast. She didn't eat. All the girls in her school called her fat, which made her insecure about her weight, although she was small. After that was done she got her bags and went to school.

**This is my first fan fiction so sorry if its not very good! Next chapter it'll be longer and you'll find more about her past. All characters belong to the amazing Cassandra Clare! Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

As Clary walked into her school, everyone just stared at her. She could feel her face heating up and turning red in embarrassment. Luckily no one saw since she had covered her face with foundation. When she got to her locker, there were notes stuck on it. Clary read them. They read, "Fat, loser, bitch, try hard, suicidal, etc." She held back her tears. She had been bullied by literally everyone, but more specifically the "populars". Jace, Isabelle and Kaelie. There were more in that group, but they were the main ones.

Jace was adopted by Isabelle's family. They had another sibling, Alec, but he refuses to be in that group. Alec was one of the few people to not laugh or make fun of her, but they aren't friends. The only friend Clary had was Simon Lewis.

Once she got her books and things she needed for class, she headed to her class. She was stopped by the populars.

"Look what we have here," Kaelie said. Kaelie was known as the school slut. She is currently dating Jace. Currently. That means they'll probably have sex then they'll break up.

"Leave me alone. Please. Just leave me alone for once." Clary said, not looking at them.

"Okay. We won't talk to you today. But," Jace said as he looked to Isabelle. Isabelle knocked all her books to the floor. Then they walked away.

Clary, embarrassed, bent down to pick her books up. She noticed someone helping her. Simon. They have been best friends for as long as she could remember.

"Clary! Your such a klutz!" Simon joked, he liked to joke around when the populars did something to her. It made her feel better.

Clary laughed. The bell rang so they went to their classes.

For the rest of the day the populars didn't see her so that was good.

After 6 hours of hell, the final bell rang. Clary quickly went to get some stuff from her locker then went home. She was never late to get home, and she never will be. She is too scared to see what will happen.

When she gets home, Valentine is passed out on the couch.  
'_He probably drank too much_' Clary thought.

She was exhausted. Clary wanted to go to bed now, knowing she will probably get no rest later.

_'Mommy' Clary cried.  
'I'm so sorry. Don't do this to yourself. Ever. Promise me. This is my fault, your brother would have never disappeared if I had watched him." Jocelyn, her mother said weakly.  
'MOMMY!' Clary screamed.  
Before she knew it, her mother had stuck a knife where her heart was. She took her own life._

Clary woke up, crying. Her nightmares are back. Ever since she had witnessed her mother killing herself, she'd have nightmares once in a while about it.

Clary heard a angry voice from downstairs. Valentine's voice.

**Sorry if the parts are too short and transition too fast. I don't have an update schedule, but probably Saturday, Sunday, and whatever days I can during the week. Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

"WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN YOU WORTHLESS BITCH." Valentine yelled.

"S-sorry father. I was upstairs. When I got home you were asleep." Clary said, not making eye contact with Valentine.

"SHOWS HOW WORTHLESS YOU ARE. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WAKE ME UP!" Screamed Valentine.

Clary could see his hands turning into fists. She closed her eyes, not wanting to know what will happen.

One punch to the stomach.  
Two slaps to the face.  
Three kicks in the stomach.  
One became ten.  
Two became twenty.  
Three became thirty.

Clary ran upstairs crying, ignoring what her father was yelling. She locked her door. She looked in her mirror. That left lots of bruises. She ran her fingers over the bruises, and she winced. Clary walked over to her drawer. It was the bottom left drawer where she kept her razors. Tears went down her face.

'_I hate myself. What did I do to deserve this_' Clary thought '_What if I never told my father about the bullies. What if mom never died. What if I ran away_.'

One cut for letting myself do this.  
One cut for hating my life.  
One cut for the bitches at school.  
One cut for being such a wimp.  
One cut for it being my fault.

There were tears streaming down her face, and blood streaming down her wrists. Clary had fell asleep crying.

The next day she woke up, took a shower, brushed her teeth, did everything she usually did in the morning. Today she wore a navy long sleeve shirt, with black leggings and dark brown combat boots. None of her injuries were visible.

She walked downstairs with her bag. Her father was asleep so she wanted to get out as quick as possible so he wouldn't wake up. She exited the house without him waking up. Clary sighed with relief. It was earlier then usual so today she just walked slower. She arrived at school at around the same time she usually does.

Getting to her locker was scary for her, because she didn't know what the populars would do. Today was worse. They had broke into her locker and took everything out. She could care less about her textbooks and stuff. Her sketchbook wasn't there.

Her sketchbook was important to her. It had personal drawings that she didn't want them to see. Clary heard laughing behind her. '_Oh no_' she thought.

"Clary you are disgusting! Why would you draw this. Well unless that's you, that's actually amusing that you cut yourself." Jace chuckled. He was such a jerk. He may be good looking but his personality isn't.

Clary held back her tears. She wanted to grab the sketch book and run. They laughed as they looked at the drawings. They were all drawings of her injuries. Her mind can't have happy things anymore. Simon wasn't here today to comfort her.

"Maybe she does cut herself, like she's wearing all those clothes in this weather!" Isabelle whispered, but she could hear her.

"Roll up her sleeve when she's not paying attention and have you phone out to take pictures." whispered Kaelie, this time Clary didn't hear her.

In class, when Clary was starting to fall asleep, the populars did it. They rolled up her sleeve, and saw what she had underneath it.

**Thanks for reading! So the chapters will be on the shorter side, but I plan to update at least one every two or three days. Please review!**

**By the way I am no way trying to make fun of self harmers when Jace said that was amusing. **


	4. Chapter 4

Clary gasped. She remembered that she had put foundation on every injury, so her cuts were covered. She sighed of relief. The populars blushed in embarrassment. Clary could hear them whispering but couldn't hear what they were saying. She heard something about makeup. When Clary heard that, her mind suddenly went blank. She was afraid they would find out.

She had put powder on her face so the foundation wouldn't come off during gym class, but she forgot to put it on the back of her neck. She put her hair up in a bun for gym class, thinking that she had put powder on it. By the end of class there was a noticeable bruise on the back of her neck.

As she walked out of the gym, Jace was behind her. She took down her hair but he saw it. He saw the bruise. Jace gasped quietly. He wasn't such a jerk now. He knew the difference between a bruise by accident, and a bruise by purpose.

Luckily Jace and Clary didn't have 3rd period together. Clary had 3rd period with Simon. They sat together, and Clary told him about the locker, except for the fact they saw the drawing of her cutting. If she told Simon she knew he would start to ask a bunch of questions. As close as they were, Clary still never told him about the abuse and self harm.

Last period came, but Clary and Jace had the same class. Jace had left a note on Clary's desk.

_I saw your bruise. I can tell the difference between a bruise by accident and one by purpose and I can tell that was by purpose. Please tell me what's going on. I won't tell anyone.  
- Jace_

As Clary got to class, she read the note.

'_How did he see? Did my foundation come off?_' Clary thought. She wasn't going to tell Jace. _'No way in hell Jace is knowing my story! He is probably just acting nice to get a story then telling everyone at school my story._' Clary sighed. You could see the sadness on her face.

Jace started to feel bad about all these years bullying her. '_Why does she have a bruise that's not by accident?'_ Jace thought. '_I will find out what's going on. Wait. Jace you are such an idiot she's never going to tell you after all these years'  
_  
The rest of the class went by slow. Clary was letting anxiety take over her. Jace, the sketchbook, her cuts, and going home to her father after not waking him up this morning.

Finally the bell rang. When Clary got to her locker to get her homework, Jace was there.

"Look before you leave please let me tell you this now. I'm starting to feel bad after all these years. I don't know why you have that bruise but I want to know why. I don't want you hurt anymore, seeing how badly I have bullied you." Jace's voice sounded upset. That didn't sound like him at all.

"Do you really expect me to trust you? After all these years? I'm sorry but I really think you are playing nice so you can tell everyone at school about me. If you are being serious, then you might as well not try. I'm not going to trust you." Clary didn't look at Jace. She just got her stuff and left. She ran home crying. She didn't know if he would tell anyone about it, or if he was being legit. She opened the door, and there stood her father.

"WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU THIS MORNING." Valentine yelled, slapping Clary.

Clary let out a soft cry. "I had to go to school early today. I'm sorry father."

"HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I FUCKING TOLD YOU?! SORRY MEANS NOTHING" and there it was. Another punch, kick, slap, and pull to the hair.

Jace was walking a different way home today. He didn't walk with friends or anything today. He wanted to be alone. But then he saw Clary walking into her house. As he passed her house, he heard yelling, and sounds that sounded like punches and cries.

**Jace is finally opening up! There will be Clace in future chapters, but Clary just needs to trust Jace first so that'll maybe be in a few chapters, depends how long they are. Thanks for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

Jace didn't know what to do. He realized that he and his "group" weren't the only ones hurting her. He heard yelling.

"CLARY YOU ARE A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!" Valentine yelled. "YOU ARE SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT TO YOUR OWN FATHER."

Clary felt tears stream down her face. She ran upstairs once he was done with her. Jace heard everything. He was worried. He was regretting bullying her really badly.

'_Why did I ever bully her? I don't even have a reason for doing it!_' Jace thought.

Clary cried in her bedroom, seeing her bruises. She got another razor. Looking in the mirror, her body was full of injuries. She would never be able to go out just in shorts and a tee shirt. She can't even wear a tee shirt because of her cuts. She cut her left wrist.

Jace could see the outline of Clary through her window. Her curtains were closed, but it was bright out so you could see her.

_'She's...cutting... Oh my god. What I said about her cutting. Jace you are a fucking jerk.' _

Jace sighed and walked home. He didn't tell anybody. Not even his siblings. Isabelle gossiped alot. He couldn't trust her with secrets. He went back outside and walked around.

Clary couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't stand her father anymore. She could cope with the people at school, but not with her father. Clary did it. She climbed out of her window. She ran. She ran to the nearest train tracks.

**I'm going to do Clary's POV for this part because its just easier to describe her thoughts at a time like this. Enjoy :)**

I ran as fast as I could. If I died, I won't have to see my father anymore, and the populars. I could be with my mother. Flash backs came back into my mind.

'Please don't do this to yourself.' I started to tear up.

When I was running, I saw Jace. I tried to avoid him, but he saw me. This can't be good.

"Clary." Why did his voice sound so worried?

"I-I can't talk now." I said, "or never again." I mumbled.

"Please." This is just scaring me. Why was he acting like this.

"I can't. Goodbye." And I ran. I looked behind me. Jace was following me. Why was he so worried? He could care less about me.

I got out my phone and texted Simon, still running.

I'm sorry

Few minutes later.

_Clary? What do you mean? Did you do something?_

_No. But I will. _

_Clary. _

_What?_

_What is going on. I'm worried. _

_Read the first text again. Goodbye, Simon. _

Minutes later.

_CLAURU WHERE ARE YKJ PLEASR_

Simon. He was so worried. He can't even type properly. I finally got to the train tracks, lying there, waiting for a train. I remembered. Jace. He was following me.

"CLARY!" I heard a voice yell. Jaces voice. "Clary. I am so so so sorry for everything. Please don't do this. I walked past your house and I heard it. I heard everything. I never knew you had so much pain going on. I'm so sorry Clary. I'm such an idiot for bullying you all those years. I- I think I might be falling for you."

I was shocked. "Are you serious right now." Tears were now streaming down my face.

"Yes,"

I saw a train coming. This is it. My life was ending with Jace Lightwood telling me he had feelings for me. I closed my eyes.

"CLARY NO!" Jace yelled, as he pulled me away.

"Jace..." I couldn't stop crying. Did he actually save my life? I was crying so much that I had troubles breathing.

"Shh.." Jace whispered, as he put his lips on mine.

**Could you guys please write in the reviews if the story is too rushed? I feel like its too rushed. Thanks for reading! I'll try to update everyday. I'm like addicted to writing this haha. **


	6. Chapter 6

**So this chapters just gonna be just to fill out the information about like how he came nice all the sudden and that stuff. I'll be posting regular chapters again tomorrow probably :)**

All Jace's POV

(This was when they were in their last year of middle school)

Apparently there was this new girl today. People said that she was really shy and liked to be alone. As I walked to my classes. There was this beautiful girl in the halls. She had red hair and green eyes. It would be impossible to not spot her. I could tell that I liked her. She was beautiful and she didn't even wear any makeup. Unlike Isabelle and Kaelie. But wait. If I was even friends with her, Isabelle and Kaelie would hate me. Isabelle was my own sister, Kaelie, was just a friend. I sighed and got to class. I sat where I usually sat. There was a seat empty beside me. Then the bell rang.

"Class, we have a new student today, Clary Fray" said our teacher, then she walked in. It was her. "Sit beside Jace please,"

I didn't realize I was staring at her most of the time. She didn't notice. She was just drawing on her notes. Isabelle hit me in the arm. The bell rang before I could ask her what.

As we walked out of class, Isabelle talked to me. Talked to me about Clary.

"Alec's friend Magnus went to school with her. She's that girl he was telling us about. That stupid, loner girl." Isabelle said

That was her. The girl I liked, is the girl I hate.

_So Jace basically liked Clary since her actually met her, but she hated her when Magnus told them about her. Jace still liked her though, but they started to bully her, for reasons Magnus told them about her. _

_He still liked her ever since, but his feelings were starting to go away. But once he saw the bruise, the feelings immediately came back. He realized she was hurt. By the way the bruise was really bad. He realized that bullying her was stupid just because of how Magnus described her. _

**I hope that makes sense and kind of fills in the gaps. Sorry if its still kind of skippy! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry it took so long to update! I got distracted by books oops. By the way there is a lot of dialogue in this chapter. I'm probably just gonna do Clary/Jace POV I find it easier. Enjoy!**

Clary's POV

Was Jace Wayland actually kissing me? The guy who bullied me for years just admitted he liked me, but bullied me for years, is kissing me? I didn't know what to do, so I just pulled away.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I- I have to go," I said, as I got up and began to walk away.

"Clary wait!" He shouted, I was far enough that he had to shout.

I turned around, "What?" I sighed.

"Don't go, please. Can you at least tell me about the bruise. It looked really bad and I'm worried." Wow, he did sound that worried.

"I don't know if I can trust you."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was an asshole and cared about my reputation and what my brothers friend said about you."

"Wait. What friend?"

"Magnus."

"What the hell. Why did you believe him? All he does is lies."

"I don't know. I was stupid. Please Clary. I don't care about the populars anymore. I've always cared about you."

Should I trust him? He sounds serious. I am the worst liar so it would be no use to lie. I sigh. "I'm gonna regret telling you this but, my father...he...abuses me." There were tears forming in my eyes.

"I kind of figured. I saw you walk into your house then I hurt yelling and crying."

"How do you know where I live?"

"I walked a different way home from school today."

"Oh." There were tears streaming down my face now.

"I'm so sorry. No matter how many times I say it, I will always mean it. I was stupid. I was a jerk. If I could go back into time I would have never bullied you."

"I really have to go. Thanks. Thanks for saving me" I started to run home. Since my suicide mission didn't work, I had to go home.

"WAIT!" Jace yelled. "Are you sure you want to go home?"

"Well if I didn't come home my dad will beat me to death so."

"See you tomorrow then, I guess"

I ran home as fast as I could. Hopefully my father didn't notice I was gone. Hope he was passed out or something. When I got home I climbed into my window. I opened the bedroom door to see my father furious. I was terrified. I couldn't go back.

_'Shit' I thought._

**Sorry it's short. I have a project to do and I wanted to have a chapter up. I don't have much left to do so I might write another chapter later. Thanks for reading!**


	8. Chapter 8

Clary's POV

Shit.

"WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN."  
Valentine yelled. Normally when people's parents yell at them it's about not doing the dishes, but in my life, it's completely different.

"I-I was at a f-friends house. Doing a project." Another lie told by me. I swear I could write a book of lies considering how many times I've lied to Valentine. Valentine. I can't even call him my own father anymore.

"YOU WORTHLESS LITTLE SHIT. EVERYDAY. EVERYDAY YOU ALWAYS EITHER GO TO SCHOOL EARLY OR LATE OR DOING A PROJECT. BUT GUESS WHO DOESN'T CARE?" he started, "ME. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR SCHOOL ACTIVITIES OR WHATEVER SHIT THEY HAVE GOING ON." he continued.

"I…I-" I stammered.

"You what? You admit you are a worthless little bitch?! You know that's true. I know that's true. Everyone knows that's true."

I could feel tears forming in my eyes. No I will _not_ cry in front of him. But I couldn't control it. I had tears streaming down my face.

"Fucking weak." He said, as he walked away.

I let out a sigh. If he didn't hurt me now, that means he'll hurt me later, which is at night. The time where he drinks.

Crying, I walk to my bedroom and close the door. I got out my razors and brought one up to my wrist.

He's right. _One cut_.  
I am a worthless bitch. _Another cut._  
Everyone knows it too. _Deeper_.  
I am worthless. _And deeper_.

Tears were streaming down my face, dripping onto my wrist, mixing with the blood that's streaming down my wrist.  
No one loves me. I'm not even sure if Simon loves me, not in a crush kind of way. Jace. I'm pretty sure it was an act. But maybe it wasn't. Or maybe he's just good at acting.

I lie down on my bed, staring up onto the ceiling as I fell asleep. Not even caring it was 5pm. Hopefully Valentine passes out before he can get to me. I fell asleep after around 30 minutes.

9:51 pm.

Valentine burst open the door, causing me to wake up. I didn't talk. I didn't move. Pretended I was asleep. He walked over to me. He started to hit me, kick me, slap me, and punch me, obviously. I whimpered, but you couldn't hear me under the sounds of punches, kicks, etc.

5 minutes later, which felt like forever, he finally left. I was too scared to see the marks it left, so I just went back to bed, crying myself to sleep.

**I'm sosososososo sorry about not updating! This is what happens when you get new phones haha. I'm writing this at like 12 on a school night so if its bad don't point it out, I know. Please review! :)**


	9. Chapter 9

The next day when Clary woke up, she gasped as she got out of bed. There were bruises and marks from last night. She slowly walked to her bathroom and took a shower. After looking in the mirror, her body full of cuts and bruises, she decided she was done. This time she wasn't letting Jace get in the way. She wanted to be dead for years now, but she either never did it, or it never worked.

Clary walked to her desk and got out a piece of paper.

_Are you fucking proud?  
- Clary._

She kept it on her desk for later if Valentine walked in.

She got out a bottle of pills and put it inside her bag. She sighed, and walked to school. She planned to do it after school, at her secret hideout, which was a pond near the park.

**Clary's POV**

Today was my last. My last everything. But it also meant I'll be with my mother again. I walked to my locker to see a bunch of people crowding it and laughing. I rolled my eyes and walked toward it so I can open it, but Kaelie was blocking it.

I decided to be rude to her considering it was my last time I'll ever see her. "Can you fucking move? Wait no you can't. You're too sore to move after fucking 10 guys in one night."

Everyone backed away, and Kaelie looked furious. "Fucking bitch. If we don't make you miserable enough, then wait until tomorrow."

Too bad there won't be a tomorrow for me.

I went to my classes. They were all fine except for last period. Kaelie had spilled her tea all over me. Luckily it was last period. The teacher saw and she got detention. After class ended, having to sit in tea for the past hour, it was finally time. The time I fixed everything. Make everyone happier by killing myself. I swear if Jace follows me I'm going to kill him because I kill me.

I let out a sigh, putting my textbooks in my locker, and locking it. I walked to the park which was about 15 minutes away. The pond was hidden in the trees. Once I got there, it was time.

I sat on a rock, and got out my pills, tears streaming down my face. I couldn't stop crying, but it was for the best. After 5 minutes of crying, I finally brought myself to do it. I unscrewed the lid and poured it into my mouth. If I put the whole bottle of pills in my mouth, there's a better chance of dying. I swallowed. I texted Simon before the pills started to get to me.

_Bye._

Few minutes later I started to get dizzy. It was working. I lay lifeless on the rock, even though I still have some life left in me.

Unfortunately Simon had lost his phone on the street. It could be lying anywhere. Anyone could see it.

Minutes later, I felt numb. I felt weightless, I felt dead.

Darkness.

**So I think next chapter will be the end because she's dead but I don't know maybe she just is passed out I haven't really planned yet but I'm probably gonna write a new fanfic so keep an eye out for that. Eep so sorry for making her do this.**


	10. Chapter 10

Jace decided to go to his little hideout, which happened to also be Clary's. When he got there, he saw Clary. He saw a dead Clary lying on a rock.

"Oh my god," Jace said. "CLARY!" He ran to her and kneeled next to her. "No no no no" Jace checked for her pulse. Nothing. She was dead and there was nothing he could do about it. He looked around for clues on how she died. Minutes later, he found a empty pill bottle.

Jace was in tears now. He never realized how much he cared about her. He never thought he'd break down in tears because of a girl. He got on his knees and lifted Clary's head to his thighs. She looked pale, and there were dried tears on her cheeks. He got out his phone and called 911, after calming himself down.

"911 what's your emergency?"

"A girl c-committed s-suicide." You could tell how sad he was by just hearing his voice.

"Sir, where are you?"

"Um it's k-kinda a secret hideout so it's kind of hard to explain but it's in Idris Park in the trees."

"Okay, thank you, we'll come as soon as possible."

"T-thank you"

Then he hung up.

He looked at lifeless Clary. "I know you can't hear me but, I love you, and I'm sorry I was stupid. I promise I'll get Magnus for what I did. I promise I'll get your father caught. I promise." He brought his head down and kissed her forehead. "You didn't deserve the abuse, the bullying." Jace whispered. "For sure, you probably don't even deserve me" A tear dropped onto Clary's face. Then a sound of sirens in the background came.

**So that's the end! Hope you enjoyed the story :) I didn't make her live because I feel like it would just be the same as last time so hope you understand. Thank you all for reading, reviewing, etc. :)**

**For some reason the last sentence reminds me of the end of Insurgent haha**


End file.
